Waiting for a Lightbulb

When do you know when you've found that one thing you could do for the rest of your life? I haven't found it yet. Or maybe I have? I guess I want to have sweeping feeling or moment of enlightenment to tell me I've chosen the right path. Is that not how it works?

Five and a half years ago, I embarked on my trek through higher academia. After one long, but money-saving, year at a community college, I transferred into my bachelor's program. During my sophomore, I tried to find my niche. Spanish, marketing, fashion, communication, psychology, business, speech and hearing science, education--all were considered as possible majors. For a while I ignored the fact that I did eventually need to make a decision. I bebopped around from class to class, each quarter thinking the new classes would eventually be needed for my dream major of the moment. (Regret).

I'm not sure if I felt communication calling my name or I simply panicked and chose, but either way, in the spring of 2007, I declared myself a strategic communication major. Sure, I enjoyed the advertising and public relations class, I actually loved the visual communication and journalism classes, but I never really felt a sense that I was doing what I was meant to do.

After graduating in June 2009, I realized that the prospective employers also suspected me to be a fraud in the communication world. As the numerous applications returned absolutely no response from employers (other than this weird quiz from one recruiting agency), I continued to work in my student position with the university until I had to quit, and by the end of the summer, I was unemployed. Doing the unthinkable, I moved back in with my parents. It really was not a bad experience, and I love my family, but what 23 year old wants to proclaim that they are living with their parents again? I vowed to stay no longer than a year--it became nearly a year and a half, by the way.

After feeling the job market's wrath, I decided I must go back to school. I can't be certain what caused me to believe I was destined to be a teacher, but I convinced myself. After much research, I found a school that allow me to complete my master's and certification online, which was perfect since I had landed a substitute teaching position at a preschool (which, mind you, I could have done back in 2005 when I graduated from high school, but I digress).

Now, almost two years since I found myself standing jobless and hopeless with a bachelor's degree in hand, I feel completely unenthusiastic about my current pursuit. Is the cycle going to start all over again? Do I really want to be an elementary school teacher? Forever--for the rest of my life?

I guess $30,000 in student loan debt later, I have to.